Crappy day today ;(

Hey there,

I've been so sad today. I really don't know what is happening with me, but it could be because of some problems I had with my girlfriend last night. Yes, while I was writing yesterday's update, I talked to her on IRC (you remember this). And yes, suddenly some crappy shit happened. Namely, everything seemed to be cool, we were talking about ordinary stuff, and she posted a log of one guy bitching with her on private. He was telling her some nasty and weird words, but some of them seemed to be true. It was about her and her boyfriend she had one and a half year ago. They actually met each other when she was on vacation. That IRC guy knew a lot about her. Actually we came up with the conclusion that his friend (who is from the town about 400km from here), was that guy with whom my g/f was hanging-out on her vacation.
There was some other stuff which we were talking about, but they are private, so they will not be posted here.

Suddenly, she looked like she was mad on me. I was wondering why is that? I just had a puzzle in my mind, and I connected some pieces of that puzzle into the place, and told her my opinion about that. She started bitching with me and convicing me that I don't love her, don't trust her, and all those silly words. I just had a clear picture in my mind telling me that I connected some stuff, not that I don't trust her nor that I don't love her. That was almost the end of the story.
She disconnected from IRC and "went" to bed. After an hour or so, she sent me an SMS telling me to check out my email. I checked it out, and found out that she was really in some kind of inexplicable mood....and jokingly I sent her back a reply with words "I call PMS :)". And thought everything was ok then...

But apperantely it didn't :( When I woke up, checked my mail and saw shocking reply made by her. She told me so much bullshit and I was felling like a piece of shit. The final sentence of her mail was "I hate you..." ! That crap drove me nuts!! I just couldn't pass over it... I went to IRC again, and suddenly she was there. We had a quite ok disscusion without arguing and shit. I told her that I couldn't handle that mail, and told her that it was not the first time she wrote such a bullshit!! Also, I was in hurry and told her that I had to go.
After 5 mins I went from IRC my cell phone rang. Guess who was? Yes, she...she was calling me. I hung up and heared her crying while she was talking to me. That was like an arrow that stroke directly to my heart :( I just couldn't so easy pass over it. I implied that I DO TRUST her and that I DO LOVE her. And told her that everything will be ok. After short talk, I went to finish some stuff I had to.

Since then I didn't hear a word from her. Actually I did..she sent me an SMS telling me that she loves me, and so....and another one asking me do I love her.... Ok, baby...if you're reading this blog here we go again, I'll state it here again:

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DRAGANA!!

I think it would be a high time for you to finally realize that! I am absolutely honest at the moment.
It is enough, period. I expressed what was "on my heart" (as you told sometime). Yes, the true love is on my heart. And shouldn't a word be uttered anymore.

Now you see why my day was fucked and why I was sad whole day ;( I am felling a little bit better now, huh, that's why I "cleared up" my soul.

Till the next time,
Manca